Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Post Outing

As some of you may have noticed, I restricted the blog for a time after my outing. This was due to my family finding my blog. They actually read all the posts before it was blocked, so it was ultimately unnecessary. I have reread my posts and have decided to let the blog stand. Most of their objections had nothing to do with what was actually written, but was about what they read into it.

Currently, relationships with my family are strained. I got through Easter with little comment, having had long conversations with various family members the previous day. They are very upset and disapproving, of course. I am sorry that they feel that way, but I do not apologize for being myself. While it was hard to deal with their feelings, I am relieved to not be living a lie anymore. While I was not pleased about the timing or the method by which I was outed, I believe it may have been for the greater good. As I matured, I was drifting away from my family anyway, and I feel this forced my hand to become a truly independent adult.

So for the time being, the blog will be open and posts will continue when I have time to do them. There will not be many posts about family issues because they know about the blog now.

Thanks, loyal readers, for sticking around and supporting me through this!


Rob said...

All families are different, but when it comes down to it, just give them the time they need. It's not something they have to approve of, encourage, or understand. It's acceptance and equal treatment that we seek as atheists.

Most of my family do not know (unless the handful on Facebook have read my profile), and if they do or think they do, they haven't said anything about it to me.

Just be true to yourself, no matter what. There are times I WANT to believe as others do...I can see why it is easier, but I'm not seeking easiness...I'm seeking truthfulness, as I imagine you are. You aren't alone, as much as it may seem. A lot of us remain hidden even to other atheists, for various reasons. I hate to be ironic, but Buddha once said (to paraphrase) that we should not believe in anything unless it accords with our reason, no matter where it is written, no matter who said it.

The family may make it tough, because they are family and you'll have a stronger filter reserved for them because of that. But don't let it get you down; if anything it reflects how much you care about them because you seek to retain the amicable relationship you had (I assume) previously. I hope they'll eventually see that it ultimately doesn't change who you are as a person. It's simply another "tag" added to the "cloud" of labels that float around us.

Take care, and again, hang in there

-Rob, a mostly-closeted fellow atheist

Thinking Ape said...

Hey Microbiologychick,
Congratulations on your outing! I think. I wouldn't know. I would know how you felt as a closeted non-believer. My family knows that I have my doubts and they walk on eggshells with me for the most part. Deep conversations about God have gone from a normal occurrence during my teen years to nothingness. This has also correlated with my parents radically favouring my younger sister who is an urban missionary on the other side of the continent.

At this point I don't have much to lose, but thus far my closet agnosticism is just easier. I listen more than I talk. I learn more and have to explain less. I know you know how it is. Yet I write so much on so many different blogs, it is only a matter of time before they discover that I am as much apologetically agnostic as I was an evangelical.

You will survive, I am sure, and probably will be stronger for it. If your family is remotely respectful, you might even grow together in your (and their) search for the honest truth.

Ginny said...

I think this will be for the best for you! With me, my parents know, but the majority of the rest of my family do not. I always wonder if my grandma will find out. Most of the time I don't care, but other times I hope not to have to deal with it.

I have found that I try to keep it a secret, then I think ~ Why I am bothering, I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Oh well, it is just one of those things that can be hard to deal with it. In the long run though, I'm sure this will turn out for the better for you. What timing though, right before Easter, lol.

Veronica said...

I'm really happy for you! But I honestly don't understand the need for an outing. Fortunately, it happened very very naturally for me, and this is something I talk to my mum a lot, discussing different points of view in a very intelligent way actually. No one in my family is a religious fanatic, which helps a lot also. But most importantly, they have always supported me in whatever path I chose in my life, and I'm very grateful. Hopefully with time your family will come around and realize that you are not a menace, just a person with a different opinion from theirs. I wish you all the best!!

Tatarize said...


Heh, I not only noticed but posted a blogpost about it. *shrug*

Good to see you back.

Anonymous said...

Hi Microbiologychick - hey, hang in there ay - I'm supporting you as a fellow atheist from way down here in New Zealand... :)

I'm just reflecting here for a moment... Isn't it sad that families seem to find it so hard to accept what one of their own believes (or in this case, does not believe)!

Given the immeasurable amount of death, pain and suffering that religion has caused over the years (everything from wars to circumcision), I'm proud to be outside it, and I hope that you are too (although I imagine that it'll be hard to be feeling proud about it at the moment).

( I have to admit that I'm very much a "closet atheist" (like many commenters here seem to be). Anyway, enough of me... ;) )

Keep smiling, ay. At least there are always people around like Sarah Palin to make us laugh... ;D

Bye for now -
- aspieguy

thenewatheist said...

Hi, I just came across your blog and I like it! So sorry about your sudden outing! I'm lucky to have a pretty liberal family. Anyways, I will check back from time to time. Thanks!


forkboy said...

I too just came across your blog the other day. It makes me realize how incredibly lucky I was when I came out to my parents when I was about 15 or 16.

While always religious folks, they did not react in any particularly negative fashion towards either me or my newly found heathen ways. Maybe they thought it was something I would simply outgrow.

Thirty years later I'm still going strongly atheistic....

comsympinko said...

Here's hoping your relatives are more in love with you than they are with the insane Stone Age philosophies of itinerant herdsmen later augmented by the slightly less insane Bronze Age philosophies of right-wing militant-zealot rebels who had clearly gotten into the ergot.

It's never easy.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Well, I don't believe you'll die from lack of family support,but I'm sure it's not fun. I like anyone who is trying to make a difference. I started a new social network site for young atheists. You don't need to identify your self fully either. It's called: wwww.AtheistSocial.com please come join us and tell your friends too. It's free!

Anonymous said...

Jesus Loves you

DM said...

I'm glad to see you blog is back -- I was quite disappointed last time I tried to read it and couldn't.

It is probably best that your family found out. One of the main reasons I started my blog was as a way to explain why I no longer believed without having to debate it in person with my family. As I expected, that kind of debating never goes anywhere. Whereas online it was easier for me to explain my beliefs without attacking them (or making them feel attacked).

All the best,

DM said...

Strange: "Jesus loves you", and yet he is planning to cook you in hell forever...